Archive for the ‘You can't make this shit up’ Category

Zimbabwe’s white farmers plan to seize government properties

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

By Peta Thornycroft in Harare and Sebastien Berger In Johannesburg

White Zimbabwean farmers whose land was grabbed by Robert Mugabe plan to turn the tables by seizing at least 11 properties of Zimbabwean-owned property in South Africa. Lawyers for dispossessed farmers believe that on Monday they will be able to start using the law to seize houses in Cape Town which are owned by the Zimbabwean government. Their action, which follows a landmark legal ruling, promises to humiliate Mr Mugabe and embarrass South Africa’s president Jacob Zuma, who was on a state visit to Britain last week. The battle for justice fought by one of the white farmers, Mike Campbell, aged 77, was featured in the documentary film Mugabe and the White African. It was shown in British cinemas this year to great acclaim. The film tells how he fought stubbornly to bring a legal case in 2008 against Mr Mugabe’s government at the Southern African Development Community tribunal, based in the Namibian capital Windhoek.

Mr Campbell won a victory when the court ruled that Mr Mugabe’s farm takeovers were racist in nature and therefore illegal. At the North Gauteng High Court in the South African capital Pretoria last month, the farmers successfully applied for the Namibian judgement to be enforced in South Africa. Lawyers acting for the Mr Campbell and a group of other farmers believe after that ruling they can seize Zimbabwean government-owned property, to recover legal costs f! rom the South African case. Mr Campbell, who was severely beaten by land invaders in 2008, was too frail to comment yesterday. But his son-in-law Ben Freeth, 41, said: “This is not about revenge. This is about the long arm of the law. We hope to expand our actions further and investigate whether we can, in time, sue individuals who were responsible for what has been going on.” Late last year Mr Freeth watched helplessly as thugs burned down his farmhouse in Zimbabwe.

Their representatives have identified at least 11 properties which are owned by the government of Zimbabwe, including houses in Cape Town worth hundreds of thousands of pounds. Unlike properties in Pretoria which are connected to the embassy, the Cape Town properties are thought not to be protected by diplomatic immunity. The lawyers say it will be a groundbreaking development, as they are not aware of any precedent for government-owned properties being seized in pursuit of a civil judgement. The timing is awkward for Mr Zuma. This week the South African president called for Western sanctions to be lifted against Mr Mugabe and his cronies, during a state visit to Britain. The EU recently renewed sanctions for another year, although Western officials point out the sanctions hit only specific regime members rather than the Zimbabwean people as a whole.

The former opposition Movement for Democratic Change went into a coalition with Mr Mugabe’s Zanu PF party just over a year ago, but the agreement has been beset by difficulties. At one point the MDC boycotted cabinet meetings for several weeks, blaming obstructionism by Zanu PF. In the meantime seizures of white-owned farms have continued. The SADC tribunal has yet to set an amount to be paid in compensation, but the lawyers say they are already able to seek the seizures to recover costs in connection with the court hearing in South Africa, estimated at about £12,000. Willie Spies, the lead South African lawyer in the case, said it would be almost impossible for the Zimbabwean government to appeal against the seizures as it had not contested the North Gauteng court ruling.

The South African government was not a party to the proceedings, he added, and while technically it could apply for judicial review it would be in a “moral predicament” if it tried to do so, as in a separate case last year it had formally agreed to “honour and uphold” the SADC tribunal verdict. “It’s going to be a very interesting test for the independence of our sheriffs and for the South African government,” he said. The ruling has not been enforceable in Zimbabwe. Senior Zanu PF officials have sought to dismiss the significance of the legal proceedings. They have claimed that the SADC tribunal did not have jurisdiction over Zimbabwe, even though the nation is a member of the organisation and government lawyers appeared in court to defend it. At the time of the SADC tribunal ruling, the then minister of lands, Didymus Mutasa, said: “They are day-dreaming because we are not going to reverse the land reform exercise.” Patrick Chinamasa, Zimbabwe’s justice minister, could not be reached for comment on the latest developments.

Original Source: Sunday Telegraph (UK)

The ‘Ravishing’ of a First Lady’

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

Could it be that Mr Makamba has been shaving on Mr Mugabe’s beard? Is it possible that the dastardly Mr Makamba has sneaked in the back door while the honourable Robert Mugabe had his back turned, and seduced the First Lady of Zimbabwe?

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Out-zooming Zuma…

Lusty South African President Jacob Zuma, who visited the UK with third wife Thobeka last week, had some competition at a reception at London’s Dorchester hotel.

Guests included suave African businessman James Makamba, who had to leave Zimbabwe after he was caught sneaking into President Robert Mugabe’s mansion for romps with the tyrant’s wife, Grace.

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By MUNALULA WINA

Source Zim Daily

Published: Friday 06 March 2009

ZIMBABWE – HARARE — Exiled Zimbabwean businessman and a former ZANU PF zealot James Chafungamoyo Makamba ravished the First Lady Grace Mugabe in Jane Mutasa’s Greystone Park house in Harare as gun-toting security details stood guard outside, completely unaware of what was going on inside the mansion.

Mutasa’s former maid has finally unravelled the mystery surrounding the love trysts that caused the former disc jockey untold suffering in Mugabe’s jail and his eventual flight to freedom.

Given Robert Mugabe’s security apparatus, it is almost impossible to meet the First Lady, let alone sleep with her without the knowledge of the dreaded spy agency, the Central Intelligence Organisation (CIO).

Yet, Makamba, for quite some time, evaded the CIO net and bedded the energetic and sex-starved Grace. The First Lady, now 43, is half the age of the Zimbabwean dictator who turned 85 last month. Makamba is 57.

Chipo (not her real name), worked for Mutasa as a housemaid until 2007 when she left for Johannesburg, South Africa, where she is now working.  Chipo saw the drama unfold before her and was rewarded handsomely for keeping her mouth shut.

Here is how it sometimes happened: Makamba would be dropped off at Mutasa’s residence and would go straight into one of the bedrooms at the far end of the house. He would lie in there waiting in anticipation for the First Lady, sometimes for more than two hours.

Grace would arrive usually clutching files of investment documents purportedly for a meeting with Mutasa. She would briefly sit in the lounge with Mutasa pretending to be discussing some business deals before joining Makamba for a wild session of sex. Mutasa would remain in her bedroom while the two exchanged “passionate bedroom notes” only to emerge later escorting a flushed Grace, who would still be holding her unopened files, to her waiting vehicle.

Makamba, in the meantime, would remain in their love nest for a while before being driven away by Mutasa. “Sometimes his driver would come for him,” said Chipo. “They varied their modus operandi to avoid detection.”

“The problem was that they got carried away,” said Chipo in Johannesburg this week. “I remember, one day, it was Grace’s birthday. Makamba bought her flowers and some gifts which were delivered to Mutasa’s home. Grace collected them later that day.” Sometimes, Mutasa would deliver the gifts from smitten Makamba to the State House.

The lovebirds met frequently also in Mazowe, where Grace seized a farm next to Makamba’s and at some suspiciously private places. The final straw was when Makamba visited Grace in a Johannesburg hotel for a long period one night in 2003. Her bodyguard reported the matter and a livid Mugabe ordered Makamba’s immediate arrest.

Makamba spent several months in remand prison on charges of externalising foreign currency. He pleaded guilty to charges of selling US$130 000 to Telecel Zimbabwe, a company he owns. However, during that period almost all foreign currency transactions in Zimbabwe took place on the black market.

State companies, because of the shortage of foreign currency in Zimbabwe, resorted to the black market and even Grace had black market foreign currency bought for her by Gideon Gono, now the Reserve Bank governor. Unlike Makamba, executives of parastatals and many others who sold or bought money on the black market, were not prosecuted.

Lower courts twice granted Makamba bail but the judgments were overruled by higher courts. He was later released on bail by the High Court and fled to the United Kingdom where he owns a home. Mutasa, who is a Telecel Zimbabwe board member, was convicted for also selling up to US$10 000 to the mobile operator. She escaped with a fine.

For keeping mum, Chipo is now the proud owner of a Waterfalls house in Harare. “I can’t go to Harare now,” said Chipo.  “I will go there when the dust settles.”

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Posted by Grumbleguts

The New South Africa

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

If nothing else, you have to congratulate them for their ingenuity. Surely no other place on Earth has citizens that have the invention skills that the Black South African has. Apart from the danger to other pedestrians and motorists, this genius is a danger to himself. Mind you, any thinking Black in South Africa is a danger to himself and to others.

This was taken in the SAA staff parking lot. Comfort yourselves with the secure knowledge that this might be a technician servicing aircraft. Wait for the time when SAA has roof carriers with chickens and goats tied to it. There will never be a problem getting them to push-start the planes. Just tie a box of KFC to the nose, and the donkey and carrot scenario kicks into action.

No doubt the pipe has been stolen as well.

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Posted by Grumbleguts

This is hilarious!!

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=13&art_id=vn20100303044050922C882902

Things the Queen and Zuma probably won’t say

This is the conversation that President Jacob Zuma and Queen Elizabeth probably won’t have around the banqueting table at Buckingham Palace tonight:

JZ: It’s a great pleasure to be here this evening, your majesty.

QE: So nice to have you, Mr President. Please call me ma’am.

JZ: And you can call me Jake, er, ma’am. What’s ma’am stand for, ma’am, if I may ask?

QE: Oh, madam, I suppose.

JZ: That takes me back to my young days, when we had to call all white madams madam. That’s all finished now in South Africa.

QE: I’m so glad. It’s just a formality here in court. Have you been to court before, President… er, Jake?

JZ: Yes, but as you know, I was acquitted of all charges.

QE: Of course. I meant the court of St James. Cultural differences cause so much misunderstanding, though I’ve always been interested in diversity within the Commonwealth.

We have fox-hunting and grouse-shooting, and you have cattle-slaughtering to celebrate important events. Both pretty bloody, really, except that there’s more point to yours.

No one eats the fox except the dogs.

JZ: We slaughtered quite a few cattle at my wedding feasts.

QE: That’s another difference. You have polygamy, and here even having a second spouse is a criminal offence. My own forebears made up for it with a succession of mistresses, except for Henry VIII who had six wives though not all at the same time. He bumped each one off before he took on another.

JZ: That’s what my critics don’t understand. Polygamy means no one has to get divorced, let alone get bumped off, before a person can remarry.

QE: Mind you, my crowd had a lot of mistresses, too. Charles II is supposed to have had a record number, but my great-grandfather Edward VII didn’t do too badly either.

JZ: In my country some people make such a fuss even if you only have one or two.

QE: It was so nice meeting your first wife, Thobeka. I’m sorry you didn’t bring any of the others. I’m sure we could have found more space for them round the table.

JZ: Well, Nompumelelo’s got a bit of a problem at the moment. They want to kick her out of her eight-bedroomed Durban house in spite of my good friend Erwin Ullbricht being more than willing to go on paying the rent.

QE: I hate these accommodation problems. I have always found the palace cold and draughty. But they insist on Philip and I staying here. It’s the British puritanical streak. Discomfort is supposed to promote good morals.

JZ: That reminds me, ma’am. You may not know that I am leading a national campaign of moral regeneration in South Africa. We believe it’s the only way to stop corruption, immorality and same-sex marriages.

QE: That’s wonderful news, Jake. If there is any support I can give you as supreme governor of the Church of England – except for same-sex marriages of course – please let me know.

JZ: Thank you, ma’am. I myself speak as an ordained honorary minister of the Full Gospel Community Church in Ntuzuma, which is part of the Independent Charismatic group.

QE: I’m afraid I’m not really a happy clapper, Jake. But we may have more in common than I thought.

johnvscott@mweb.co.za

Dogs ‘clean up’ after ‘muti’ killing

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Here we are in 2010, with the demise of Apartheid becoming a distant memory. The new South Africa that was promised by the present day ruling communists has failed to materialise. Instead, we have what was expected, an African example of incompetence, corruption and greed, with the rulers displaying an indifference towards those that pay their taxes, and the farmers that feed the nation.

It is unfortunate that South Africa is sliding from being a leader in Africa, to fast becoming a basket case.  South Africa’s economy, the biggest on the continent, contracted for the first time in a decade in the fourth quarter, shrinking an annualized 1.8 percent. Official unemployment now stands at 31.2%, although the real figure is no doubt much more.

Under Apartheid, for all it’s faults, the following post would never have happened. As the ruling elite continue to practice their stone-age methods of survival, with their their immoral standards dropping ever lower, it is only natural that scenes like the following post become a reality.

In the case of South Africa, when the head is sick, the whole body suffers.

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February 27, 2010 at 11:18am

By Tanya Waterworth – Source here.

It was the stuff of nightmares when police and KZN Ezemvelo Wildlife (KZNEW) officers responded to a report of hunting dogs eating a human body in Hopewell, near Pietermaritzburg.

It appeared as though the victim, Thabo Ramaholo, had been stabbed three times in the chest with an assegai and his body left for the dogs to feed on.

The Ezemvelo honorary officer at the scene, Mark Enslin, said he was shocked at the extent of the dead man’s injuries – the skin on his face was missing as were his eyes – and he suspected it could be a muti murder.

“I found a young dog licking some blood where the body was found. It soon became apparent that the house belonged to a sangoma, as we found items such as a dried-out snake hanging from the roof, a bushbuck hoof, as well as animal skins and monkey body parts.

“There were also herbal remedies,” said Enslin.

According to reports, sangoma Mdideni Mkhize, 58, openly admitted to stabbing Ramaholo during an altercation the previous evening.

Mkhize claimed Ramaholo had stolen from him.

He added that the dogs must have mutilated the victim’s body during the night.

But the autopsy has found that some of the injuries were not consistent with dog bites.

The skin on the face had been sliced and there were no jagged edges, as could be expected from a dog bite, and the victim’s eyeballs were missing.

The sangoma was arrested and has already appeared in court, charged with murder.

Thornville SAPS are investigating the case and the Organised Crime Unit members also attended the scene.

While some of the hunting dogs were captured by the SPCA, three had to be put down at the homestead.

Mkhize is expected to appear again for a bail hearing on March 10.

Muti murder and trafficking of body parts has recently been in the limelight after The Mozambique Human Rights League and Childline SA released a report on the prevalence of body parts being traded between South Africa and Mozambique.

It was stated in the report that researchers suspected that many cases went unreported because communities feared sangomas.

Traditional healers who were surveyed on the matter slammed the practice, describing the perpetrators as “second-rate healers” and said “truthful traditional healers do not need to do treatments with human organs”.

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Posted by Grumbleguts